It’s a Babies World, and I’m just livin’ in it: Part Two

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In Part One I talked about some of my keys to success, a few of my standout highlights, and listed various TV Findings I have made since having access to Netflix, soap operas, children’s movies/TV shows all the days of my nanny life thus far.  I want to turn the conversation though to some systematic research I have done just over the course 6 weeks or so.  This research is backed by hours of observation and experiments involving controlled and independent variables.   Okay, honestly I haven’t really incorporated experiments into my routine quite yet, besides the good ole Pavlov make the baby salivate with an empty spoon shtick, but I truly have been observing a great deal.

In a short amount of time I’ve become infinitely closer to zoologists and animal behaviorists which I never believed would happen in my lifetime.  My clientele just happen to be the human kind.  I am a babyologist in the purest sense of the word.  I watch these mini-sized Homo sapiens in their natural habitat and I take notes.  Lots of mental notes.  My research is far from complete but I say with confidence that human babies are the coolest creatures out there.  They display many characteristics that I think all older humans would love to have for their entire lives. Continue reading It’s a Babies World, and I’m just livin’ in it: Part Two

It’s a Babies World, and I’m just livin’ in it: Part One

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(My camera only flashes when hats are on)

I want to preface this post by saying that I am well aware that I’m not the only one out there making a living watching multiple babies.  I know that there are mothers, grandmas, extended family members, daycare workers, and even fathers who do this daily alongside me.  However, I do think that my experience is a tad unique because of the fact that I share a relation to the babies I take care of, so therefore I can write and say things that might get an aforementioned daycare worker fired.  I must admit I enjoy living in a world where I choose to risk retaining my employment by exercising my freedom of speech.

I have been on the job a little over a month and a half.  These beginning weeks have taught me a whole lot.  I quickly realized these babies are not only the directors, but also the stars while I am just some unrecognizable crew member fetching them lattes and French fries. As a 27 yr. old single girl being thrust into the stay at home mom role I have observed, experienced, and learned things I never thought possible.   I think it would be best if we discuss my discoveries by grouping them into different content areas because being a nanny is extremely complex. Continue reading It’s a Babies World, and I’m just livin’ in it: Part One

Performance Enhancing Drugs are not for Babies

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I hope my employers are okay with the testosterone I’ve been slipping Thomas.  I also am giving him healthy snacks so it really shouldn’t be a problem.  He has his heart set on attending the Rodriguez/Armstrong Clinic for Advancing in Sports the Natural Way so he started preparing for it at a young age.  He researched the Ramirez Clinic, but that was a clinic for Advancing in Women’s Sports so he passed the info along to Grace.  She, on the other hand has enough brute strength already that she doesn’t need the PEDs for admittance.

Deciding to become a Nanny and not Michael Jordan

michael jordan                 Reality

                            FANTASY                                                                   REALITY

I think I have finally come to the realization as a 27 yr. old white girl that, although a girl can dream, I most likely will not be the next Michael Jordan.   This dream of mine has been derailed partially due to my athleticism and gender, but mainly due to my inability to come up with enough winning lyrics to “If I could be like Debbie.”  Hey, if one can’t be Jordan the next best thing is certainly being a nanny to triplets and a three year old in the suburbs of Philadelphia.

When I found out my sister was having triplets obvious shock and excitement followed and still continues to this day.  The decision to move and become her live in nanny may seem like a crazy one to make to some, but it truly was one of the easiest decisions I have made in my life.  To help others better understand my decision making process and to shed some light for all those eager girls and mannys seeking m/nannyships that involve multiples, let me outline just why this decision was made.

Here are a few of the many thoughts that ran through my head when deciding my future:

  • The potential for awkwardness was too high to pass up on when we show up for swim lessons with 2 females, one male, and three babies who are siblings.  Sister wives with their polygamist law breaking husband, lesbian couple with their sperm donor, birth mom with adopted parents, surrogate??  You see, how could I turn down an opportunity that would be the fodder for so much questioning and hypothesizing. 
  • I can technically be referred to as an Au Pair now and I always wanted to be bilingual so there you go.  Actually who am I kidding, my nephews and niece will no longer call me aunt but only au pair.  As their au pair my first duties will be teaching them what a wedge is while eliminating hoagie from their vocab and providing them with the correct pronunciation of Lauren and bagel.  If this is all they learn from me as their foreign/domestic mommy I know my work here has been a success.  Oh and just for good measure according to Wikipedia Au Pairs range in age from late teens to mid to late twenties, so I qualify thank you very much.
  • I will be moving.  This might seem like a minor thing, but having lived at home for my six years post college this will be a major change for me.  And really is there any bigger transition from living dependently with your parents to living dependently with your sister and her family.  Quite honestly, I don’t think there is.  (For those who may be concerned, don’t worry like any struggling colony my independence will come one day too?)  The logical next step to prepare for my move would be for me to register.  Just amongst my sisters I’ve been to five showers that have involved registries so now it’s my turn to return the favor.  This might seem like a diva move, but once you see my registry you may or may not think otherwise.  On it includes a DVD 5pack of: Curly Sue, Kindergarten Cop, Willow, Honey I Shrunk the Kids, and Sister Act II (bonus DVD of Oscar thrown in), and a box (big brown one with multiple containers within) of sour strawberry belts.  You can find both these items registered under D. Kern at your local Blockbuster.   I appreciate it.

These thoughts while very important in my decision making process were not the sole reasons for altering my life.  After sorting through all these possibilities I figured I should be like any studious 5th grader and make a list of my pros and cons, and a middle area that applies to both.

Pros:

  1. Blinds on my windows.  I am extremely grateful that after 23 years I will have blinds.  Then again, 23 years blindless in your first floor bedroom isn’t such a bad thing, right?
  2. Full set of lights in the bathroom.  Not to diss my parents or anything, but lighting is nice when you are showering.
  3. 4 complete walls in my bedroom.  By complete I am referring to a wall that goes from ceiling to floor without a 52 inch TV blasting into your bedroom every night.  (Now I really sound like a jerk with all these pros bashing my former place of residency.)
  4. Brainwashing my nephews and niece into believing I’m the coolest aunt to walk this earth.

Cons:

  1. Years spent refining and mastering my skills for double dare’s physical challenges and the AGGRO CRAG while attempting to do laundry will be washed down the drain as my new laundromat requires merely opening a door on ground level and placing your clothes into the extremely visible machines (how unoriginal).
  2. Lack of naps.  I said it.  A house full of babies is not synonymous with the napping house.
  3. My basketball playing and coaching skills will suffer.  I must admit my basketball skills have surprisingly been on a rapid decline ever since playing that one competitive intramural game in college.  Yet my coaching skills have been at the top of their game having spent the past six years in NY coaching some form of team.   I will have to give it up, and I somehow don’t think playing one on four against three eight month olds and a three year old will lead to redeveloping and maintaining these aforementioned skills.
  4. Leaving my raging, party days spent in New York behind.

Gray:

  1. Fans, more specifically fans of Philadelphia sports teams.  They are ok to deal with when you live in New York but when you live amongst them they immediately turn into a con.  However, this topic falls in the in between area because after a visit to Wells Fargo Arena to attend a riveting Sixers/Bucks game I now have something to dangle above their heads.  Let me clear this up a tad.  We all know Philadelphia fans are notorious for booing not just their teams, but also imaginary things such as Santa.  To my delight they held true to form and began booing the Sixers all the while the home team was winning.  The boos came in full force as time was ticking away and they were failing to reach the 100pt mark, therefore denying those in attendance of their free offer of Big Macs.  Things escalated rather quickly from boos to drowning chants of WE WANT BIG MACS!!!!  So though these fans may be annoying at times, I now know that they care more about Big Macs then the outcome of the games they are attending.  Annoyance: Con.  Being able to bring this instance up to annoying Philly fans: Pro.

All of these thoughts, pros, and cons weighed heavily on my mind so I called a house meeting and just like any real worlder who has fallen into obscurity prematurely (i.e. Irene from Seattle, Justin from Hawaii, and Joey from Hollywood) I first went to the confessional and then told my parents:  “It’s time for me to leave, I must go.”  I figured if Kate Gosselin can change 15 diapers twice over in one day so can I.  And yes I am gravely concerned that I’ve just equated my new life to that of Kate Gosselin’s.   Within a couple weeks a new hairdo and a coupon cutting addiction will surely be traits that I acquire.

Finally, a few months back I recall my sister saying to me “Are you sure you want to do this?  I just don’t want you to regret it.”  I quickly responded with, “Of course I do.”  As the months went by and my new venture was about to begin my answer not only remained the same, but I had also developed these sentiments that I was born to do this.  I get to be a part of my nephews and my niece’s lives every single day (even Saturdays and Sundays, hooray!).  The worst that can happen is I will turn into a baby hating monster.  Despite that one gloomy pitfall of the job, I prefer to think of the more positive outcome which is me becoming the MJ of the nanny world.  And that would definitely be a dream come true.     

For your entertainment