Year in Review: The Nanny Way

The 2013  year has been an eventful one to say the least.  I moved to a new state, started a new job, and went back to school, but so what, who cares.  These Trishlets and a Joey have made my year.  I could leave it at that and I think you would get the point, but I will elaborate just a tad and share some of the experiences, observations, and skills I have gained over the course of the past half year.

Let’s start this off the right way and really the way every conversation should start by discussing my new found respect for the men and women who collect garbage.  I’ve always appreciated this job as it is something that most people wouldn’t want to do themselves, but through my nanny’s eyes the level of respect I now have for them is at an all-time high.  We know babies wear diapers (and yes there are people who reuse diapers in the reusable/cloth diaper sort of way so we are aware of the options) but when you go through as many diapers as these triplets do someone is responsible for disposing all of them.  I have dealt with the immediate disposal quite well and have come accustomed to it, but my responsibility ends after my 10 foot walk followed by my toss of the wonderful smelling sack of 30+ or so diapers into the bin.  This pungent act happens roughly every 24-36 hr.  So yeah do the math.  The smelliness plus the sheer mass of diaper volume is why I just know my sister’s house is the talk of the block when the garbage people roll around every week.  They probably think we are housing tens of babies.  Thanks garbage collectors for doing what you do.

Ok with that out of the way, it’s time to discuss the skills that I have garnered over these last six months.  I’m talking serious skills too.  I knew coming in that I would probably develop a keen skill of allowing my hearing to internally muffle the sound down of multiple screaming babies, but I have gained so much more, so much more.  For instance, not to sound arrogant or anything, but I’m pretty sure I can add baby mixologist to my résumé.  I serve these babies tasty cocktails all day long.  Actually, the mixology refers to my ability to fill their bottles within the ounce-sometimes half an ounce of the target without looking.  That qualifies me for the nanny Olympics Sochi ‘14, right?  Next time you need eight ounces of liquid without a measuring tool, I’m your gal.  I am positive and hopeful(?) that this is a skill that will come in handy in my future.

In addition to my stellar estimation talents, I have learned through practice how long to let a baby cry with regards to the napping portion of the day.  With three of them, just like with most everything else, you kind of have to let them test things out and cry a little bit longer, because being alone with them you are constantly on a 3 on 1 fast break and they are gearing up the for the behind the back pass to the lob for the alley oop, if you know what I mean.  In non-sports terms if they all get clicking and deciede to scream/cry at the same time just know that I am about to be slam dunked on.  Anywho, to prevent embarrassment and shame I have learned there is a window where crying may ensue, but shortly after giggling happens and then that’s when I want to be a fly for the first time in my life just so I could peek in on them.  Scratch that, I probably won’t get the best peripheral vision as a fly unless I’m one with eight eyes or something so I’d actually rather be invisible so I can watch all of them at the same time entertain each other behind the bars of their cribs laughing it up before they fall into a slumber.  I’ve acquired the skill of knowing the exact amount of time necessary to let crying turn into laughter and that is invaluable.  So in case you lost track I want to be an invisible nanny swatting down any baby who tries to slam dunk on me.  Sorry this got so weird and creepy because nothing is creepier than a nanny who uses invisibility to enter babies’ rooms to study and be amused by how they put themselves to sleep.

I also can spot the European attire from the U.S. attire without looking at a tag.  By European attire I am  referring to high end retailer H & M and for U.S. attire that is pretty much any place in the U.S. that sells cheap yet stylish baby clothes.  Europeans (H&M designers) by my accounts put their snaps opposite us Americans.  Strange I suppose, it almost makes you wonder if they wear their diapers backwards too.

As Napoleon Dynamite would say, “Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.”  Switch around a few words in that sentence and these aforementioned skills are sure going to take me places. Continue reading Year in Review: The Nanny Way