30 Signs You or Someone You know are Candy Crush Saga Addicts

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Even if you aren’t a partaker, you’ve heard of it, and don’t act like you haven’t.  The fad that has swept not just this nation but the world, has consumed countless of hours in many of our lives.  The most telling thing I believe to this phenomenon is I have yet to come across a person who has started playing this game and not immediately been sucked in.  The habits we all now strangely possess can truly only point to the signs of an addiction.  We are a world that has become addicted to a colorful – some may say mindless – game, and I am honored (embarrassed – how dare you think that) to present to you a list of the attributes that confirm your addiction:

1)       You have real conversations with your friends about what you call the variety of                   candies/shapes you encounter.  To one it is a cookie, to another it is a disco ball,                 when in actuality it most likely resembles a chocolate pop’em donut with sprinkles               that I would devour in milliseconds if I could.

2)      You close your eyes at night and the only thing you can picture are yellow lemon                  drop candies, next to red jelly beans, next to orange cough drops, next to blue                      lollipops heads, and then your brain goes haywire as you try to imaginarily swipe                  candies away from your memory.

3)      You think you actually have some skills when you surpass a Facebook friend on your          quest to nothingness.

4)      You get a text notice about your data usage reaching its max for the month and you            know the only course of action is to instantly shut down all candy crush playing                    activities.  Then, you quickly follow that up by thinking what data plan needs to be                purchased in order to withstand the intensity of my playing habits.

5)      You ponder self-inflicted amputation to your index finger when it betrays you and                  swipes in the wrong direction screwing up all your plans and ultimately ruining your              day.

6)      You quit the game for weeks at a time thinking it will give you some perspective on              life and it doesn’t at all.  All it does is yank you back in without even a question.

7)      You have pity on those who are too cool to link to Facebook and will never                            understand these so-called quests they must complete in order to advance                          episodes.

8)      You download it for your mom even though she is quite clueless when it comes to              phone gadgets and you give her positive encouragement as she completes one                  board a month.  She also relays her conspiracy theories that she believes they dumb          down the level for her and sometimes even just clear it on their own after she has                spent several weeks on a particularly stubborn level.

9)      You have a friend openly admit she adds her own sound effects when getting the                holy grail of mixing a pop’em with a striped candy doing a wonderful number on your            board, and you find her cooler for it.

10)   You pass judgment (with and without reason) on those who spend their hard earn               money on extras or bonuses that allow you to beat boards more easily and are                   essentially the quick fixes to catapult you farther in the saga.  (This is a free app and           in my eyes it must always stay that way or else they win, and let’s face it they have             already have won, and if you are asking who they is I have no idea – maybe King                 Candy.)

11)   You sit in the same room as people you should be conversing with but you are too             busy crushin’ it, and that’s exactly what you say if someone dares to try to talk to                 you: “Sorry I’m crushin’ it!”

12)   You can talk about strategy and see the value in it, but then you realize this game               relies heavily on luck and you hate it for that fact.

13)   You contemplate not sending a “friend” a life or extra moves because you are a jerk.

14)   You think to yourself: “I gotta start playing right this moment because I want my 30               minutes penalty to begin ticking which would result in the optimization of the total                 amount of lives I can garner throughout the course of the day.”

15)   You have verbally proclaimed to others that: “Some boards are just plain annoying,             while others are annoying but enjoyable.”  And you have no idea what that means or           what the point of your speaking that sentence was for.

16)   You play on your phone, on your iPad, on your computer, on your significant other’s             iPad so you can have 5 lives on each apparatus, and you feel great about it.

17)   Your sister quits Facebook and of course has to notify you that she will no longer be           sending you lives, and you are genuinely upset by this disturbing chain of events, and         then you consider defriending her in real life for her extremely thoughtless blunder.

18)   You still haven’t come to a conclusion on what you despise more bombs, tornadoes,         reappearing chocolates, or concrete blocks.

19)   You come across this post on the internet and your mind is blown.  Changing the               time on your phone is pure genius and really should be at the top of the list for signs           of a Candy Crush addict. (I also feel a bit sad that I am just discovering this stealthy             tactic.)

20)   You then come across (on Wikipedia of course) the staggering number that this                 game makes $633,000 a day and that was in July last year, and in the U.S. only, and           just in the iTunes store.  Talk about mind being blown.  Then you pray to God to grant         you the powers to create an app in the very near future.

21)   You instantaneously feel akin with a stranger you catch participating in the game.

22)   You internally get mad at one of the three if not all three of the babies you are                       watching if they happen to do something that leads to you mentally making a misstep         in a level that you have been trying to conquer for what seems eternity.

23)   You take offense to the new give up tab that pops up after failing to complete a level           and wish it was the good ole days of just ending the game and waiting your time in             the penalty box before continuing on with your dissent into antisocial madness.

24)   You were once one of those people that sternly declares, “I don’t play games on my            phone.”  And almost a year later you now know the error in your ways.

25)   You’ve played it in your car with the Bluetooth on and the sound pounding through               your speakers wondering what the heck your life has come to, and then after 45                 minutes or so have passed you decide it is time enter your house after a long day’s             work.

26)   You, despite the previous sign, have thought about physically harming someone who         plays the game with the sound on.

27)   You justify your time playing the saga and not being productive in other facets of life             by proclaiming: “It is a great stress relief and everyone needs stress relievers in their           life.”

28)   You think impossible exists, but you know of others who have triumphed through the           most troublesome level you thought there was, and then you learn the life lesson that         impossible is always possible.

29)   You have serious discussions (in your head) about what you will do when you reach           the end.  How will your life look?  Will you actually have to get a life?

30)   You spend your free time (not crushin’, obviously) writing this.

So if you relate to just a few of the signs mentioned you probably are an addict.  If you relate to some of them you definitely are an addict.  If you relate to all of them I see us getting along quite well in our mutual patheticness.  And if you have yet to step into the candy crush mix disregard everything I’ve written and know you might not become an addict, but also just know in the end you will.  Furthermore, to help those who call this game mindless, pointless, a massive time waster, I equate it to someone who has never tried Chick-fil-A.  You can resist it all you want but your first experience with it will alter your life forever, and that’s exactly what the Candy Crush Saga does.  The first step to recovery is acknowledging you have a problem.  And let me tell you at one point I was a bit ashamed of my gamer ways, but now I can openly say I am Debbie and I am a Candy Crush addict.  Though Candy Crush may have consumed me as a person it does not define me as a person.  It just places me into the group with the other 500 million plus who have jumped on the bandwagon, and if that isn’t a distinct way to define your life than I don’t know what is.

Are you an addict?  Do you know an addict?  If so, what characteristics/signs have I failed to mention on this list?

And just remember, don’t be ashamed to keep crushin’ it!

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