A man enters the pool. This isn’t just an ordinary man though, it is someone I recognize and know. I followed his bifocaled arrival to the pool area, subsequent plopping on prime lounge chairs which I believe were already in use, and then his eventual plunge into the water with curious eyes. Approximately 30 seconds into his swim, I knew it…..it was Kyle Farnsworth. Kyle Farnsworth you might ask, who is that? Well, let me tell you if there is anyone able to identify forgettable half-clothed setup Yankee pitchers, I’m your gal.
The thing about professional athletes, I think, is a majority of them can go unrecognized to even the casual sports fan. Helmets for football and hockey, who knows what is happening under the head wear. Baseball you get a clearer picture of the face, but with rosters being large and players being moved around, you familiarize yourself with the stars faces but might forget what a guy in the bullpen looks like. I don’t forget, and now that I knew it was Farnsworth it was obviously my duty to share this info with my swimming buddies (my sisters, my cousin, and mi madre).
I of course nonchalantly said, “That guy kind of looks like Kyle Farnsworth.” By nonchalantly I used a hushed tone and avoided eye contact like I was a spy revealing vital information to the USSR. With athletes such as Kyle, those are the steps you take when in their presence. My crew (being related to me and all) knew exactly who I was talking about, but they were a little hesitant to commit. I mean on one hand, why is a major league player swimming in a pool at a Marriott in Orlando when he is in season? Yet on the other, how could an above average in height man, with those specific tattoos, with that complexion and physique not be Kyle Farnsworth? My sister pulled the old, yell out his name to see if he turns game, but that provided us with inconclusive results. The more I side eye stared at him, the more I knew it was him. However, before we approached we decided it was best to do some further investigating.
(Side note: I once was in an elevator with all my sisters and Carlton Banks and we didn’t say anything. It was a short ride, but we certainly had the opportunity to break into “It’s not unusual.” We didn’t and we blew it. So I was definitely not going to let another “celebrity” encounter slip from my grasp.)
Nowadays, investigating someone is so easy even your grandma can do it. You type their name into google and bam you have everything you need at your fingertips. I had already presumed that either Kyle was released by the Rays or injured so all I needed to do was confirm it. My cousin Molly was thoroughly searching his marital status and kid situation, as he was seen playing in the pool with a 12 yr. old or so boy. My sister Susan was zooming in on shirtless photos of him and just smiling. I confiscated her phone to get visual confirmation that all his tats matched up. We had done it. We were all cleared to take our stalking to the next level by actually trying to talk to him. Continue reading An Ordinary Tale of a Water Slide Encounter with a Professional Athlete