Baby puppies or Puppy babies?

Observation is a daily practice for me.  As Henry pushed this book below in my face while uttering more for the twelve hundredth time, it occurred to me that babies are just like the puppies being described in the pages.  Take a gander, see if the evidence speaks for itself, and then maybe you will be able to answer the age old question of: Are babies really puppies, or are puppies really babies?

IMG_20140423_105010_544

IMG_20140402_110653-1

 (Obviously in their natural habitat)

IMG_20140423_105053_091

 IMG_20140214_141417 (1)

 (So much energy they managed to all crash in Tommy’s crib.)

IMG_20140423_105122_433

IMG_20140304_100210_678IMG_20140310_143950_634 (2)018

 (These babies don’t so much play side by side one another but rather pin and throw in some WWE moves on one another.)

IMG_20140423_105252_269        IMG_20140225_094917_427IMG_20140415_152454_109

 (Joey doesn’t have a shot against the sneaky Grace.)

IMG_20140423_105338_553

IMG_20140423_105310_590

IMG_20140320_093645_048IMG_20140402_160255_867

 (And chewing hard objects is good for their immune systems too.)

IMG_20140423_105357_413

IMG_20140423_105409_016

IMG_20140320_092542_751

 (If they demand their snacks in a dog bowl, who am I to stop them.)

IMG_20140423_105422_364

ResizedImage_1398272177617ResizedImage_1398272366393ResizedImage_1398272241929

(A baby’s motto, just like a puppy’s, is to rest wherever and whenever.)

IMG_20140423_105446_892

IMG_20140423_092826_564ResizedImage_1398272894967IMG_20140320_082058_584

(The playing never ends for these three.)

So there you have it.  For my money I’d take babies over puppies any day because diapers, duh.

*Book seen here: Puppies by Missy Kavanaugh and Sandra Gurman

The Baby Bachelorette: Lost Video from the Cutting Room Floor

Due to clarity, the inappropriateness for nighttime TV, time constraints, and a lack of any knowledge on true editing below is the lost footage from episode one of the Baby Bachelorette.  As you recall, Grace, the bachelorette, in her quest to find eternal love had to make the extremely difficult decision between the Bachelor and Dr. Love.  While they spent the whole day together to develop true feelings for one another, parts of their journey could not be aired due to the reasons previously mentioned.  Well guess what?  You are in luck because this lost video has been recovered and is ready to be aired to embarrass all parties involved.  Watch to find out why some say this footage was inappropriate for nighttime TV, and tune in to see the striking older gentleman who adds a new layer onto this already complicated love triangle.

30 Signs You or Someone You know are Candy Crush Saga Addicts

Screenshot_2014-03-19-22-24-00

Even if you aren’t a partaker, you’ve heard of it, and don’t act like you haven’t.  The fad that has swept not just this nation but the world, has consumed countless of hours in many of our lives.  The most telling thing I believe to this phenomenon is I have yet to come across a person who has started playing this game and not immediately been sucked in.  The habits we all now strangely possess can truly only point to the signs of an addiction.  We are a world that has become addicted to a colorful – some may say mindless – game, and I am honored (embarrassed – how dare you think that) to present to you a list of the attributes that confirm your addiction:

1)       You have real conversations with your friends about what you call the variety of                   candies/shapes you encounter.  To one it is a cookie, to another it is a disco ball,                 when in actuality it most likely resembles a chocolate pop’em donut with sprinkles               that I would devour in milliseconds if I could.

2)      You close your eyes at night and the only thing you can picture are yellow lemon                  drop candies, next to red jelly beans, next to orange cough drops, next to blue                      lollipops heads, and then your brain goes haywire as you try to imaginarily swipe                  candies away from your memory.

3)      You think you actually have some skills when you surpass a Facebook friend on your          quest to nothingness.

4)      You get a text notice about your data usage reaching its max for the month and you            know the only course of action is to instantly shut down all candy crush playing                    activities.  Then, you quickly follow that up by thinking what data plan needs to be                purchased in order to withstand the intensity of my playing habits.

5)      You ponder self-inflicted amputation to your index finger when it betrays you and                  swipes in the wrong direction screwing up all your plans and ultimately ruining your              day.

6)      You quit the game for weeks at a time thinking it will give you some perspective on              life and it doesn’t at all.  All it does is yank you back in without even a question.

7)      You have pity on those who are too cool to link to Facebook and will never                            understand these so-called quests they must complete in order to advance                          episodes.

8)      You download it for your mom even though she is quite clueless when it comes to              phone gadgets and you give her positive encouragement as she completes one                  board a month.  She also relays her conspiracy theories that she believes they dumb          down the level for her and sometimes even just clear it on their own after she has                spent several weeks on a particularly stubborn level.

9)      You have a friend openly admit she adds her own sound effects when getting the                holy grail of mixing a pop’em with a striped candy doing a wonderful number on your            board, and you find her cooler for it.

10)   You pass judgment (with and without reason) on those who spend their hard earn               money on extras or bonuses that allow you to beat boards more easily and are                   essentially the quick fixes to catapult you farther in the saga.  (This is a free app and           in my eyes it must always stay that way or else they win, and let’s face it they have             already have won, and if you are asking who they is I have no idea – maybe King                 Candy.)

11)   You sit in the same room as people you should be conversing with but you are too             busy crushin’ it, and that’s exactly what you say if someone dares to try to talk to                 you: “Sorry I’m crushin’ it!”

12)   You can talk about strategy and see the value in it, but then you realize this game               relies heavily on luck and you hate it for that fact.

13)   You contemplate not sending a “friend” a life or extra moves because you are a jerk.

14)   You think to yourself: “I gotta start playing right this moment because I want my 30               minutes penalty to begin ticking which would result in the optimization of the total                 amount of lives I can garner throughout the course of the day.”

15)   You have verbally proclaimed to others that: “Some boards are just plain annoying,             while others are annoying but enjoyable.”  And you have no idea what that means or           what the point of your speaking that sentence was for.

16)   You play on your phone, on your iPad, on your computer, on your significant other’s             iPad so you can have 5 lives on each apparatus, and you feel great about it.

17)   Your sister quits Facebook and of course has to notify you that she will no longer be           sending you lives, and you are genuinely upset by this disturbing chain of events, and         then you consider defriending her in real life for her extremely thoughtless blunder.

18)   You still haven’t come to a conclusion on what you despise more bombs, tornadoes,         reappearing chocolates, or concrete blocks.

19)   You come across this post on the internet and your mind is blown.  Changing the               time on your phone is pure genius and really should be at the top of the list for signs           of a Candy Crush addict. (I also feel a bit sad that I am just discovering this stealthy             tactic.)

20)   You then come across (on Wikipedia of course) the staggering number that this                 game makes $633,000 a day and that was in July last year, and in the U.S. only, and           just in the iTunes store.  Talk about mind being blown.  Then you pray to God to grant         you the powers to create an app in the very near future.

21)   You instantaneously feel akin with a stranger you catch participating in the game.

22)   You internally get mad at one of the three if not all three of the babies you are                       watching if they happen to do something that leads to you mentally making a misstep         in a level that you have been trying to conquer for what seems eternity.

23)   You take offense to the new give up tab that pops up after failing to complete a level           and wish it was the good ole days of just ending the game and waiting your time in             the penalty box before continuing on with your dissent into antisocial madness.

24)   You were once one of those people that sternly declares, “I don’t play games on my            phone.”  And almost a year later you now know the error in your ways.

25)   You’ve played it in your car with the Bluetooth on and the sound pounding through               your speakers wondering what the heck your life has come to, and then after 45                 minutes or so have passed you decide it is time enter your house after a long day’s             work.

26)   You, despite the previous sign, have thought about physically harming someone who         plays the game with the sound on.

27)   You justify your time playing the saga and not being productive in other facets of life             by proclaiming: “It is a great stress relief and everyone needs stress relievers in their           life.”

28)   You think impossible exists, but you know of others who have triumphed through the           most troublesome level you thought there was, and then you learn the life lesson that         impossible is always possible.

29)   You have serious discussions (in your head) about what you will do when you reach           the end.  How will your life look?  Will you actually have to get a life?

30)   You spend your free time (not crushin’, obviously) writing this.

So if you relate to just a few of the signs mentioned you probably are an addict.  If you relate to some of them you definitely are an addict.  If you relate to all of them I see us getting along quite well in our mutual patheticness.  And if you have yet to step into the candy crush mix disregard everything I’ve written and know you might not become an addict, but also just know in the end you will.  Furthermore, to help those who call this game mindless, pointless, a massive time waster, I equate it to someone who has never tried Chick-fil-A.  You can resist it all you want but your first experience with it will alter your life forever, and that’s exactly what the Candy Crush Saga does.  The first step to recovery is acknowledging you have a problem.  And let me tell you at one point I was a bit ashamed of my gamer ways, but now I can openly say I am Debbie and I am a Candy Crush addict.  Though Candy Crush may have consumed me as a person it does not define me as a person.  It just places me into the group with the other 500 million plus who have jumped on the bandwagon, and if that isn’t a distinct way to define your life than I don’t know what is.

Are you an addict?  Do you know an addict?  If so, what characteristics/signs have I failed to mention on this list?

And just remember, don’t be ashamed to keep crushin’ it!

7 Types of Parents found at a PBS Live Children’s Show

I recently attended a live children’s show with my 3 year old nephew.  The show’s title was Getting Wild with the Wild Kratts based off the PBS cartoon/educational zoology hit Wild Kratts.  Basically two brothers, surname Kratt, are zoologists who begin (and end) each episode in human form, turn into animated characters, and go on adventures using creature powers to teach children awesome animal facts such as the sex of an alligator is determined by the temperature that the egg is being incubated in.  So if you are an adult watching this show start paying attention and learn something for pete’s sake.  To understand Joey’s excitement and the excitement for any child in attendance, it would be like if I was going to a show where Coach Taylor and Tami Taylor were the stars on the stage, and then Riggins made an appearance.  That’s right these kids were amped.  Now I’ve worked in a preschool, I’ve frequented Sesame place and Disney World, and I am a nanny for small children so being in a setting where the population of screaming children outnumber the supervising adults is far from unfamiliar territory to me.  And being in an environment such as this one lent itself perfectly for me to take some mental notes, sit back, and observe not those crazy children, but instead the adults surrounding me.  As a result I discovered a few categories of the types of parents that attend a PBS live children’s show and here they are:

  1. Parents that dress their children like the characters.  Honestly these parents are ok in my book (to some extent).  If the character’s wardrobe is cheap and easy, then it flys.  If you are spending more than twenty dollars to dress multiple children up in attire (remind you not on Halloween) I’m not sure I can relate to you because you must be a millionaire.  I guess if the child insists then I understand, but at the same time I sort of don’t understand.  And if you are one of these parents I hope we can still be friends because nowadays I associate with parents, and I think my introverted self is telling me I am open to more friends.
  2. Parents that dress as the characters themselves.  This unfortunately is something that does actually occur, because I have witnessed it with my own eyes.  My feelings toward this type of parent is initially what’s really going on with this person, and then I think can you really fault someone for getting into the spirit on a day spent with their child.  Probably not.  But you can definitely fault them for getting in the aisle and elbowing a child out of the way in attempt to garner a high-five from one of the brothers a.k.a the stars of the show.  So yes if you are wearing a character/real person’s attire to a children’s show the need for a second once over is necessary because clearly you are capable and willing to do things that may compromise the safety of children.  And yes you most certainly know who you are if you fit into this category.
  3. Parents that buy several gifts for their child at the money scheming gift table set up like a CYO concession stand at the front of the theater.  This line was massive when we first arrived and luckily Joey is only 3 so he wasn’t fully aware of what was luring the droves.  Not that I have something against buying a little memento, I have something against waiting in a line of that size for a children’s t-shirt for $25, then additional costs if you want to add your name onto it.  But cynicism is never the answer.  That’s why we booked it just when the Kratt brothers were taking their bows and the crowd was still going wild, wild, wild for them, and we thus became the first to purchase a little something that Joey could enjoy.  And let me reiterate one thing not several, and I did it because I wanted to not because he asked.  What an angel he is (jk…..or maybe I’m not joking, who knows).
  4. Parents that reason with their children on why they didn’t purchase anything from aforementioned gift table by explaining to them the shotty workmanship that was used in constructing the gift.  Now at a PBS live show there has to be one, two, or hundreds in the audience that knit, sew, can make crafts, etc.  I mean that is kind of PBS’s demographics, no?  And the woman behind me must be one of those people as she told her children that the Velcro would fall off the vest for sale in minutes and don’t even mention the size of the vest because come on you two kiddies would outgrow it in days.  I get it.  Parents gotta do what they gotta do.
  5. Parents who jump at the opportunity to ask questions when they move to the interactive portion of the show.  Microphones were being passed around for children to ask their idols essentially any question to find out a fact that they were dying to know about animals.  You know like what’s your middle name was on par for the types of questions that were being asked.  Then a woman, obviously a mom or perhaps just a superfan, a few rows in front of us grabs the mike and asks, “Will they be doing an episode on lemurs?”  First off no question is a dumb question needs to be revoked in this scenario, because while it may not be a dumb question you are a dumb adult for hogging the spotlight that was supposed to be for the children.  Just think of the children the next time your pressing inquiries about the appearance of lemurs on an animated children’s show so desperately need to be answered.
  6. Parents who fall asleep.  You win, that is it.  I’ve seen it happen multiple times, always the father, and always impressed by their ability to tune everything out and catch up on some zzzz’s.  Then again my Dad can fall asleep while you are talking to him, so maybe I’m not that impressed.
  7. Parents that get tapped on the shoulder by the 79 yr. old event staff worker to can it with the illegal videotaping of the show.  I like that shows like this employ older event people because not only do you get a sense of safety, you also get a sense of excitement at the thought of a team of elderly workers having to escort a parent out of the theater for refusing to put down the video camera.  Nowadays with the internet you can pretty much access anything and watch a clip of whatever your heart desires on Youtube.  There really is no need for a parent to set up his tripod and film a show that their child probably won’t even like next year, and can probably also find in seconds on the web, and then watch on a continuous loop until they need eyeball replacements.  But who am I to judge.  I recall as a child watching on repeat a theatrical version of Peter Pan, you know the one were Peter was played by a girl.  And furthermore, my father has VHS copies of every single ride at Disney World (legally taken and illegally taken) even the riveting, fast paced Carousal of Progress.  So maybe there are parents out there who just like to have everything on film.  What should we do, sue them?  Um, actually yes there is a good chance that my Dad can retroactively be sued for his antics.  But lawyers just know he didn’t make any copies and he didn’t sell any tapes.  He just belittled a customer service worker at Epcot into giving his family including his four “very upset” daughters free passes because of a park closing too early for his liking, and that is it.

Of course there were all sorts of parents in attendance.  You know like the young couples from the city with the fit mom in knee-high boots and the dad just wearing some wool cardigan sweater over a plaid shirt without a jacket.  Or the woman who questions the use of technology and how the show could have been better like she’s some sort of movie critic as we were exiting.  From the types of parents I listed I think there is someone we all know who would fit into each of these categories and do all these things that I observed.  And he is none other than:

download (12)

Danny Tanner

I’m not a parent so I really have no business categorizing and discussing a subset of humanity that I don’t even belong to.  These are merely my observations.  And for the record the type of parent I was that day was the one who goes to the dollar store beforehand to have treats in my pocket to keep the Joey boy in check, and then the one who participates in a little post show jog on the sidewalk to the car with my little Joey who eventually takes a tumble, and then loudly accuses me of hurting him, followed up by him refusing to walk with me again for all the jovial families around us to hear.  We recovered quickly though because I told him I had M&M’s in the car.  So next time you are at a children’s show look around and find that parent who is sleeping and thinks that the guise of darkness makes him invisible when in reality it doesn’t, it just may make him a genius.

The Baby Bachelorette: Valentine’s Day Edition

This Valentine’s Day one will be chosen to continue on in the journey to find love (you know the brotherly/sisterly type), while the other will be sent on a ride in the rejection limo immediately back to his crib.  Who will Grace choose?  Will love conquer all?  Will it be the most DRAMATIC rose ceremony yet?  Or will the crusty noses force her to dump both of the pining babies at once?  Scroll through this Bachelorette’s pictorial love essay to see if she finds her match!

Our Bachelorette, Grace, in her finest Valentine cocktail party attire is ready to meet her potential suitors by showing off her come hither arm rolls.  She’s looking for a boy who is willing to share ALL his food with her – that’s right she doesn’t mess around.

ResizedImage_1392403260093

Our first suitor, named Henry, but we shall call him the Bachelor, is looking for a girl who can assist him in taking him to forbidden, exotic locales like the top of the couch.

044

Our second suitor, named Thomas, but we shall call him Dr. Love, is looking for a gal who can make his heart skip a beat by sweetly crooning “La-La-La” tunes to him, just like Elmo.

013

The first leg of the journey takes them to a private island where they enjoy some snacks and each other’s company.  At this point, it is obvious there is no real front runner.

002

They decide to take the show on the road to places where they don’t have to be concerned with falling off the edge and thus prematurely ending their chance at love.  The Bachelor makes waves by staring directly at the camera and not into Grace’s beautiful eyes -showing his disinterest in the Bachelorette.  And Dr. Love follows suit by laughing at something off camera and not at something Gracie has said.

005

Grace knew she needed to change things up to regain their attention so she brought them to the Arctic, because who doesn’t love surprise trips and rare sightings of a beagle! However, the proof is in the picture that chemistry is still a lacking.

006

Here’s the part in their adventure where things start to get real interesting.  Dr. Love has quotes of LMFAO running through his head, i.e.: “Girl, look at that body”, while the Bachelor is clearly enamored with Grace’s choice of footwear.  Ladies take it from Grace, great shoes and flaunting your bod is the way to man’s heart…………..( really though, no, no it isn’t).

007

After realizing what Grace is working with, Dr. Love gets a boost in confidence and decides to throw out his shimmy moves in hopes to win her over.  Grace appears to applaud Dr. Love’s spontaneous dance movements which is a clear sign showing her interest and approval, and the Bachelor appears to be a losing with his lack of choreography and lack of awareness that Grace is even in the room.

008

However, not to be outdone by the dancing Doctor, the Bachelor insists on some alone time with the Bachelorette.  It is granted, but the body language experts tell me this one on one is not going exactly according to the Bachelor’s plans.  Furthermore, we don’t have enough scientific knowledge to interpret what the baby Michael Jordan tongue is suppose to imply.

009

The Bachelor knows that persistence can work like a charm, but only if you are relentless. As a result he flips the switch on the Bachelorette and has HER pining after HIM and not the other way around.  Hey Grace get a grip, let them come to you!

010

Unhappy with what just went down, Dr. Love gets the Bachelor in his sights, stares into the camera to let the viewers know it’s about to go down, and sends him running in the other direction.

012

Dr. Love then says to the Bachelor, “Watch and learn.  Now this is how you do alone time. Keep your distance, act like you don’t care, throw down the baby model stance, and see what happens.”  Drooling that is, drooling is what happens when you try and eat with your mouth open Grace.

017

Then follow that up with the single white female move.  You just never know if the Bachelorette digs creeps. (This may not be obvious to the naked eye but take a close look behind Grace’s right ear (her actual right ear), and check out that Glenn Close look alike.)

016

And apparently she does.  Don’t fret though, there is still ample time left for the Bachelor to make Gracie his Valentine.

019

This is turning into one tumultous ride.  Just when you think Gracie only has eyes for Dr. Love she leaves him by the wayside and initiates some alone time of her own with the Bachelor.  How quickly the tides can turn in a one year old’s quest for love.

021

The Bachelor now with a confidence boost of his own pulls out all the stops by showing a little of his personality.  Grace can’t believe he had this side to him, and it appears that the Doctor may be in love as well.

023

The Bachelor rides the positive vibes he is receiving and insists on continuing to entertain even though others try to impede upon his jovial antics.

026

Deciding she needs a breather to reevaluate her feelings, the Bachelorette leaves her suitors to talk things over with her girl Minnie Mouse on the TV.

025

The next step in their journey calls for Gracie to really hunker down on her men and find out what their true intentions are.  I’m no poker face reader, but it seems like she is suspicious of all parties involved.

032

And suddenly after being on a high from some quality time spent with the Gracie girl, the Bachelor takes a turn for the worse and I’m not sure this is a trait that the Bachelorette is going to be very fond of.

028

Incidents may have occurred off camera, but I think there is evidence that points to a certain love Doctor having a hand in the Bachelor’s demise.  The Doc knew the Bachelor’s personality was winning Grace over so he went below the belt and snatched his bowl of Cheerios, which he knew would cut the Bachelor to his core.  And yes making a fellow suitor less attractive in the eyes of your mutual love interest is well within the confines of the contest.

029

With all the sideshow tomfoolery Grace is able to find a moment of peace and starts to question if she really needs a mate because all she truly needs are confiscated Cheerios to make her happy.

030

Then just when you think she may walk away from it all, another monkey wrench is thrown into this twisted love triangle.  Like her namesake and showing why she was chosen to be THE baby Bachelorette, Grace acts all gracious and kind by offering the Bachelor just what his heart needs.

035

After a long day of dating two of the most eligible babies of Aston, PA on the most lovey day of the year the Bachelorette is pooped.  The highs and lows of the dating world have taken a lot out of her.  She doesn’t understand why both of her suitors have failed to compare their love arcs to jumping off the side of a building or repelling down a cliff, because from what she’s gathered from TV that is exactly what falling in love is about.  So is there a point in continuing on with a relationship that is void of hackneyed, invalid metaphors?

049

Despite her struggles, decisions need to be made and although she is not yet a woman, she is woman enough to make this one.  She ain’t no baby heartbreaker, but she is about to break one, possibly two.  Will Dr. Love be making house calls or will the Bachelor finally lose his famous moniker that has plagued him his entire life?

047040

Drum roll please…………………………………………………………………………………………….

055

Sending shock waves from Maine to Hawaii, Dr. Love is escaping from his office and certainly ready to make those house calls!  Ultimately it came down to who provided fewer tears, because Grace has no room for drama in her life considering she has that department covered for quite some time.  The Doc wooed her even further by having a private meal of guess what – Cheerios and bananas, and they finally received some uninterrupted time together to see if they could make this relationship last.  They then shared some more one-sided laughter:

056

They didn’t let a shift in seating arrangements put a kink in their love affair.  Now if that isn’t true love, I don’t know what is.

057

And they continued their PDA, which was a tad excessive if you ask me.

058

All the while the dejected the Bachelor ate alone longing for the day when he too will have a partner to share Cheerios with.  He even makes an attempt to grasp his invisible girlfriend, because at this point in his journey he has become delusional.  Don’t they all, don’t they all.

054

To add salt to his baby wounds he was dismissed just like all the Bachelor/Bachelorette contenders before him, and was banished to his crib where he was left contemplating the day’s events and where it all went wrong.

062

Meanwhile across the room, the new couple’s journey rolls on as they frolic in Dr. Love’s crib.  And the body language experts can all agree that the Doc’s eyes and Gracie’s exuberant smile both hint strongly to a relationship that will surely last for years to come.

068

And just like that our journey to find love has ended………………………………………….or has it?

…..

……..

………..

………….

Remember what you see in an edited program can be deceiving to the viewers eyes, or maybe it is just our Bachelorette who is doing all the deceiving.  Straight out of a page from the Mesnick playbook, Grace has a change of heart!

ResizedImage_1392443092980

And you know what, double dipping is never a good look for a girl.  In the end, her betrayal of Dr. Love’s love was all for naught as her secret relationship with the Bachelor went up in flames almost before it even started.  And any viewer watching could predict this happening from witnessing his memorable meltdown mere hours prior over a Cheerio. Clearly the dude is a tad unstable, and now America is questioning everything that has transpired.

ResizedImage_1392443143653

Valentine’s day symbolizes a day for sharing and spreading love, unfortunately for these three babies love was had, and then lost for everyone involved.  So yes this certainly was THE MOST DRAMATIC episode of the Baby Bachelorette yet, and who knows if the Bachelorette, the Bachelor, and Dr. Love will ever find love again.  I’ll place my bets on that happening when each of them can rid their noses of the several inch deep crust they currently have surrounding them.

***Editor’s note: My intention was to capture one semi-good picture of them all together in their Valentine’s attire.  I didn’t achieve that in the slightest so I decided to keep snapping, and this sick love triangle idea happened.  Yes, I need help.

******If you enjoyed reading this, you may also enjoy this.