As Joey celebrated his record setting 16th snow day for the 2013-14 school year, I decided to take this opportunity to observe him and his lifestyle a tad more closely. What unfolded I will describe here in the best way that I can, by writing verbatim his proclamations, questions, and comments that occurred over the course of a very short time span.
First though a little bit of background. He likes dinosaurs a whole lot, I’d even say slightly more than your average 3 year old. Anything on Netflix related to dinosaurs is must see TV for him. With that being said his obvious dino viewing choice for this snow day was Walking with Dinosaurs, a television series airing in the United Kingdom in 1999 described on IMDB as a “Documentary-style series about the era of the dinosaurs, mixing real locations and CGI.” Think Jurassic Park with no humans and a narrator acting like he is giving a play by play to live footage from the Cretaceous period. I believe 11 people have viewed this documentary and Joey is eight of them. Who needs The Land Before Time when you can watch an educational documentary and gain true knowledge?
So without further ado here are Joey’s thoughts, concerns, and wonders about the 29 minute episode of Spirits of the Ice Forest from the widely unpopular Walking with Dinosaurs, not to be confused with the modern, smash hit Walking with the Dinosaurs. Oh and did I forget to mention that along with being obsessed with dinos, he has also taken a liking to talking non stop, especially during TV programming. (My deep thoughts interspersed throughout can be found in the parentheses.)
“IS THERE A SHARP TOOTH? (Not sure we are still on the black screen with your favorite kid actor name, Narrated by Kenneth Branagh being scrolled across.)
IS HE GOING TO EAT HIM?
HE’S GOT TO GET BACK TO HIS EGGS, RIGHT? (If he wants children, you bet he does.)
IT’S TOO CHILLY, RIGHT?
TOO CHILLY FOR CROCODILES, RIGHT? (I fear the cold won’t deter these dinosaur crocs from still being evil)
THOSE ARE A LOT OF CROCODILES, RIGHT?
ALL THESE SEEDS ARE GOING TO PLANTS, RIGHT? (This boy knows the plant cycle in the dead of winter. Kudos to you, Ms. Jamie)
THEY ARE GOING TO GREEN LEAVES NOW, RIGHT? (Now photosynthesis, uh-uh I don’t believe you.)
As I raise the volume approximately 3 minutes into it, he gives his stamp of approval by saying: I LIKE THIS ONE
OH HE’S GOING TO EAT THEM.
HE’S NOT A NICE CREATURE, RIGHT? (Once again not sure because I didn’t get to administer my dinosaur morals survey, sorry bud.)
HE WANTS TO EAT THEM, RIGHT?
GET OUT OF MY SPOT PLEASE. (Tangent #1: Joey doesn’t usually get sidetracked when he is in his TV watching zone, but he needed to inform me to move my elbow over as we were sitting in the same chair as the two couches were just idle and waiting to be sat on)
I WAS JUST GETTING MY ITCHY. (Tangent #2: His response to me telling him to stop scratching something he shouldn’t be scratching)
DOES HE EAT THEM? (If you wait roughly five seconds I promise you will most likely find out, but I know five seconds is an eternity and you must know the answer immediately. I get it.)
IS HE A CARNIVORE, RIGHT?
SHE RUN AWAY, RIGHT? (Who? Which young lass is trying to break free from her CGI dinosaur parents.)
THE VELOCIRAPTORS ARE FIGHTING, RIGHT?
ARE THOSE LONG NECKS? (Nope, way off they are brachiosauruses.)
VELOCIRAPTOS RUN IN THE WOODS, RIGHT?
I WANT A NACK! I WANT A NACK! (Tangent #3: Someone is demanding a snack apparently)
THOSE ARE BABIES, RIGHT?
CAUSE THEY HATCHED, RIGHT?
THE LAST BABY IS HATCHING, RIGHT?
HE’S HATCHING HIS EGG, RIGHT? (One more hatch reference, and I’ll show what it really means to hatch.)
HE’S EATING HIS BABY, RIGHT??? (This was by far his saddest question of the bunch and I could tell because he used some inflection in his voice to truly show he was concerned about the dinosaur’s tactics of eating his own blood)
WE EAT THE EGGS, RIGHT? (Sort of.)
I’M GOING TO GET MARSHMALLOWS. (Tangent #4: Bring me back some while you’re at it.)
ARE MARSHMALLOWS NACK? (Nack to some, dinner to others.)
THAT’S A GRASSHOPPER.
LIZARDS EAT GRASSHOPPERS, RIGHT? (I’m 97% sure they do.)
WHERE ARE THEIR MOMMY AND DADDY AND THEIR UNCLE? (Also obsessed with using the word uncle as of late. On a regular basis we will have a conversation about whether that is or isn’t the alligator’s (or any other creature for that matter) uncle.)
UH OH WHAT’S HE DOING? (Finally a question I am able to answer by just looking at the screen.)
IF HE DOESN’T LISTEN TO HIS MOMMY AND DADDY HE IS GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE, RIGHT? (You’ve done well boy, you’ve done well.)
IS THAT ONE A BOY?
AND THAT ONE IS A GIRL, RIGHT? (Gender, another fascination too.)
OWW WHAT YOU DO THAT FOR? as he pretends someone hit him. (Tangent #5: He is a fan of the make-believe physical comedy.)
IS THAT HIS MOMMY?
HE NEEDS HIS MOMMY, RIGHT?
MOVE WARTHOG continues to snort for twenty seconds straight. (Tangent #6: The question of will we make it to the end of this documentary is now in question now that toy warthogs have been spotted in his proximity.)
PIGS ARE TYPE OF WARTHOG, RIGHT? (Very close, but seriously where are you learning these things. Oh right, I forgot your affection for any time Timon and Pumbaa roll on the scene in The Lion King. Ergo, your warthog knowledge.)
AHH SHARP TEETH! (Referring specifically to T-Rexs not to the other sharp teeth that all dinosaurs have.)
IS THAT A BOY ONE OR THE GIRL ONE? (Gender, told ya.)
WHERE’S THE GIRL ONE?
WHAT’S THE GIRL ONE CALLED? (Brenda.)
HE’S GETTING CLOSER, RIGHT?
HE GOT HIS BABY, RIGHT?
HE’S SAYING SORRY, RIGHT? (If they could speak I believe that is exactly what dinosaurs would utter before devouring their prey.)
THEY GOT HIS FACE, RIGHT? (Unfortunately for that dino it would be the whole body.)
BECAUSE THOSE GUYS ARE NOT HURT YET.
AND THAT SHARP TEETH SAYS SORRY. (See confirmation of aforementioned theory.)
THEY’RE GETTING FROZEN, RIGHT?
THOSE BABY ONES ARE FIGHTING, RIGHT?
THOSE GUYS ARE MAD, RIGHT? (We are losing our scientific names for the dinosaurs, this can’t be a good sign. However, our ability to detect dinosaur feelings is getting stronger so our signs must be back in order.)
THOSE GUYS ARE FINDING HIS FRIEND, RIGHT? (It is too complicated of a documentary to start discussing dinosaur friendships. Too much damage. Too many baby eggs and fellow dinos consumed.)
IS IT OVER? (But that means you might have to take a breath, please say it isn’t.)
CAN I HAVE A PEANUT BUTTER AND JOEY SANDWICH? (Tangent #7: I accept your suggestion for a lunch break.)
CAN I HAVE MARSHMALLOW IN LUNCH? (Like in the sandwich or with lunch?)
THEY’RE FIGHTING, RIGHT?”
***(Joey wasn’t shouting this entire time, however his talking voice is permanently shifted to an eleven so caps lock was necessary for his speaking parts.)***
As the last credit scrolls dinosaurs reappear and just for good measure he gets that one final right question in before it all turns to black and the 29 minutes of the outpouring of observations and probing inquiries ceases. For those who were counting there were 32 questions that concluded with right. A couple of weeks ago he added, “or something” to everything he was saying, so I chalk this up to a right phase he is going through. Or it could be my response of right to every right question he asks because it takes a lot of energy to respond in detail to every right inquiry this fella throws out at you, and frankly I don’t think my asthmatic body has the lung capacity to make this happen.
I also would like to make a note that while I was pursuing my brief career in stenography no babies were neglected. Two were napping and even though the diva one was up with us taking the documentary all in, she is surprisingly very undivaesque when her two bros are not around, and therefore I was able to copy word for word the stream of consciousness of my dino loving nephew.
And finally, you know what? A lot of us whether we are football fans or not tune into the Superbowl to be entertained in one way or another. Well I can tell you with certainty that this encounter was by far the most entertaining thing I witnessed in the last 24 hours. Team Joey, right?!
A jelly face and a dino head. What more could you ask for out of a snow day.