I must have been trippin’ to think taking 4 youngins to New York by myself was a good idea. Here are my thoughts, my inner dealings, and proof that it can be done. Thanks Rosie the Riveter for telling me that: Yes, We Can Do It! Nannies can accomplish so much.
First off, I’m kind of digging the flexibility that my new job employs me. By flexibility I am referring to the option I now have of wearing the same clothes multiple days in a row. But, it also gives me the flexibility to do things during the week if I want to. The only caveat in me doing something is it most likely will involve the Trishlets and sometimes a Joey. Nonetheless, that doesn’t hold me back. I had some business matters to take care of in New York, so why not take a mini road trip on a Thursday. Scenarios of how this all would play out were running rampant in my head, and I would like to share them with you.
The thing that concerned me the most with traveling alone with 4 small creatures was what if I have to go the bathroom. I contemplated that thought for so long that I forgot that I was also traveling with a 3 yr. old, and though he is potty trained there is a high chance that he might have to go too. How selfish of me to only think of my urinary priorities. It is approximately a two and a half hour drive to NY. Surely I can control my bladder for that long, but then again strange things can happen.
Frankly, I don’t even know where to begin with a situation like this. I just picture myself pulling up to the Grover Cleveland rest stop careening a triplet stroller through the crazy parking lot that rest stops are known for, while having Joey hold onto my pockets because obviously my two hands are needed to direct the ship that they somehow also call a three person carriage. Before I get to that point it would take me 15 minutes alone to deplane the tiny passengers from the minivan. Furthermore, once I get inside the bathroom do I leave the babies outside the stalls? I would bring Joey into my stall, but that baby vehicle isn’t fitting anywhere easily. And what if Joey has to use the bathroom and pulls his routine of taking all of his lower body clothes off. I seriously don’t need to be spending extra time redressing him while strangers in NJ are eyeing the helpless, unattended babies in the aisle. See with another adult in the car this exact situation is washed away, but alone you have to consider every possibility. Thankfully, none of this played out due in large part to me not eating for several hours before I departed, my intake of miniscule sips out of my Vitamin water every 33 minutes or so, and my stopping short a couple of minutes into our journey which led Joey to drop his lid covered apple cider on the floor making it impossible for him to retrieve, and thus more likely he wouldn’t need to stop to use the potty. Sorry bud, this train ain’t stopping till New Ro.
As I was driving, besides focusing on doing everything so I wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom, I also pondered what would happen if I got pulled over. Now just so we have it straight I’ve never been pulled over for speeding, and it wasn’t my goal to get pulled over for the first time with precious cargo in my car, but I saw a couple of cars caught red handed in the shoulder so it got me to thinking. Additionally, since everyone was sleeping I had no one to talk to so I did a whole lot of thinking. If an officer flagged me down would they have pity on me? Once they saw who I was transporting they would positively give a second thought to writing out a ticket. Or would it go the other way and they would arrest me right there on the spot? I mean, I was taking children that were not mine across state lines, in a car that was not mine, and I was also just pulled over for speeding with BABIES in the vehicle. Luckily, I wasn’t arrested or pulled over. Even if I was flashed over to the side I would be sure to quickly pinch all the babies on the cheeks to have them all be screaming at once so as the officer approached h/she would have no other option but to pity me.
I don’t want pity, though. I chose this life and I chose to take them to NY by myself. Also, we should really place our pity on people who have those diamond shaped Baby on Board signs posted in their rear window. As I was taking some back roads to avoid part of the NJ Turnpike, I had the pleasure of trailing one of these signs for a brief time. Immediately my first thought was psshhh, little does that woman know what it’s like to drive with a baby on board. Try babies on board, lady. After crawling at 20 mph the car finally turned and to my surprise (not) there was no baby on board (blasphemy!), and the woman was roughly 85 years old, so thank goodness she wasn’t cruising around with a baby inside her car. Now if this elderly woman was using this baby on board as a sort of elderly on board way of making other drivers drive more cautiously around her then I can give her props for that. However, these signs are meaningless. Good for you that you are able to drive with a baby present. We don’t need warnings to make us more cautious drivers, how about we just drive as carefully as possible to begin with. Also, I think these signs may actually have the reverse intended effect in that people’s hatred towards them might actually push them to become reckless drivers. Just a theory though.
Another problematic situation that was possible in my travels was traffic. Traffic would have ruined everything. With a companion I would have the opportunity to stop and feed my passengers if necessary. If there was traffic which would eventually lead to outbursts, I was prepared to blast my Frankie Valli Pandora and ignore everything happening behind the driver’s seat. Like the scenarios presented previously we again averted trouble, because there was no traffic until 5 minutes away from my destination, go figure.
I must say these babies are very good travel buddies. They were so quiet that many times I thought I may have left one at home which would be disastrous and grounds for firing, but really that only happens to my aunt and uncle when they leave their teenage son at a Burger King rest stop on the turnpike. The moment did come however, where stirring could be heard from the back. Somewhere around Newark it was the smell or the sleep sedatives wearing off that caused my passengers to wake. As Grace got her babble on, I knew I was in a race against borrowed time, and the only possible way I could reign supreme would be if I could get this Odyssey to Nana and Grandpa’s before any meltdowns occurred. We had a mini meltdown when Joey awoke and showed his disdain for the music playing by demanding that I put on one of his “my boys songs.” (I’m glad they are teaching gender in songs in preschool). Edward Sharpe’s and the Magnetic Zeros “Home” came on just in time to keep all parties happy. And shortly after, I accomplished arriving in NY without any outbursts. And really it wasn’t an accomplishment by the nanny, but more of an accomplishment by the Trishlets and Joey. Thanks for allowing me to come to NY without any bumps in the road. Whose ready for our next road trip, New Orleans anyone?
P.S. I saw a billboard for chocolate bacon and due to the circumstances I was unable to stop. The triplets may prevent me once from accessing chocolate bacon, but I can guarantee that it won’t happen again.