I don’t venture too far from home with the Trishlets by myself. I’m not quite ready to be caught in an eating establishment with them alone, and I haven’t built up the courage to take them to any kind of organized toddler event. Yet I don’t want to deprive them, for they need interactions in the real world, and let’s face it they already have been deprived of never having a birthday to themselves and that is deprivation enough. So where do we go? We go to the playground, and here are the things I contemplate for our journeys out into civilization:
- Potty Training – I’m not referring to me attempting to toilet train these maniacs, but rather I’m referring to potty training myself. Now whenever I go someplace with my ducklings I need to ask myself ten times over if I need to use the bathroom. Sometimes I’ll go twice in the span of five minutes right before exiting the house, because heaven forbid I get caught out in public with these munchkins and I’m left searching for the nearest restroom, but not just any restroom you see, I require one that can accommodate me and my 7 foot long stroller. We did have an occurrence a few weeks ago where we were all at the park and Joey’s need for a bathroom escalated from around a four to a 10 in seconds. Needless to say, I am still sweating from that day. So remember diapers aren’t just for babies and old people, they are also for almost thirty year old nannies to wear because first and foremost you gotta do you.
- Time Management – Ok I’m going to get to the park by 10:30 whichin actuality means we more than likely will be sliding at 11:30. This doesn’t just take place with having triplets present, because this takes place with the fact of just having kids. Children, they eat away at your time without even trying. It just is a tad more pronounced when dealing with three toddlers. Sneakers are always missing. A decent sized portion of snacks packed won’t work because three, duh. It’s nice to have a set time for departure but when in the company of triplets you can throw that out the window every single time you set it .
- Car Loading – I know what you are thinking, “What could possibly be so difficult about putting the trips in the car, for after all it is probably one of the more routine parts of an outing with these three?” Well, guess what, here are the options you have when trying to accomplish this here task: Option 1: Take one baby out at a time and as you shut the door to keep the others contained you receive shrieks that no human should have to hear. The immediacy in the breakdown is like telling a first grader he can’t go to recess. Real tears emerge without fail because how dare I let one of them into the light of day without including the others. Silly me, car loading tricks are not for kids. Option 2: Let them all walk out to the car with you and have them all run directly towards the street as you grab one to throw into the car (not placing them in their seat) just to spare you some time to tranquilize the other two before they hit the pavement. Option 3: Bring them all out hoping they are somewhat obedient and let them peruse the car as you buckle one in. One will eventually make their way to the driver’s seat and they of course will press every single button so when you eventually do get to turning on the car your wipers are ready for a hail storm, you’re listening to Japanese radio at a volume of 67, and you then have to deal with the repercussions of a distraught baby when they find out that, no they will not be the one driving us to the park today. Sorry maybe next Tuesday, Henry. Option 4: Bring them out to the car on a leash. And proceed to throw treats onto their seats to lure them in. Hey, this actually isn’t that bad of an idea maybe I should try it.
- Entrapment – I stay in the house with them because you know what homes have? Doors. And you know what doors do? They keep things and people contained. They don’t keep Trishlets off countertops, but they keep them from escaping. Therefore, it pretty much is do or die if a park is enclosed or not. So if you are following correctly if there is a gate it’s a do, and if there isn’t a gate I’d probably be better off dead than having to single-handedly try and wrangle three toddlers who like to split in opposite directions. Drastic, I know, but also necessary for purposes of furthering our discussion on the dos and don’ts of nannyhood.
- Swings – Swings are fun and all but most parks are usually equipped with just two baby swings. I trust that if you are reading this, you can also do the math. Plus, if two are in the swing the third one is most likely just going to walk in front of the swing to get taken down mortal combat style, unless you are a nanny on her toes keeping them at bay or holding them while pushing. I guess preventing an injury is a viable option for me, and I really should be able to handle pushing two babies in a swing while entertaining the third or perhaps I can teach them the novel idea of turn taking. But who has time for that? Thus, selfishly I prefer a swingless park. There I said it.
- Questions and Stares – I’m not a very social being, but these three have made it easier for me to talk to strangers. (Aww chill now with the saccharine sentiments, this isn’t your diary.) Just the sight of them in their stroller is a great talking point. And I always make it a point to say I’m not the mommy because I want people to think my sister is loaded and has a live-in nanny, no. Because I want them to think I am far too young to have triplets, ha no. Because I want them to say what a blessing I am, it’s nice but no. Because I don’t want to take credit for giving birth to them, because Trish truly does deserve all the credit.
- Attitude – I’m not talking about the ‘tude that Grace possesses day in and day out, I’m talking about my attitude towards having three toddlers in a public forum. I’m typically pretty laid back, but from this experience I think I have learned to be even more so. If another kid drinks from their water bottle, so what, who cares. If they want to taste test the leaves, go for it. If they desire to climb up the slide, I could try to stop them, but I’d much rather be stared at by a disapproving mom for teaching them bad habits. But at 22 months you have to choose your battles, and one over the proper use of a 3 foot slide is one I don’t want or care to fight. I’m just happy to be breathing some fresh air and delighted that they are entertaining themselves, so please let them and me enjoy it while we can.
I’m sure if you have been to a playground with even one child you can relate, and if you have been to one with triplets please give me your number because I’m looking for a fill-in for my sick days.