The Baby Bachelorette: Valentine’s Day Edition

This Valentine’s Day one will be chosen to continue on in the journey to find love (you know the brotherly/sisterly type), while the other will be sent on a ride in the rejection limo immediately back to his crib.  Who will Grace choose?  Will love conquer all?  Will it be the most DRAMATIC rose ceremony yet?  Or will the crusty noses force her to dump both of the pining babies at once?  Scroll through this Bachelorette’s pictorial love essay to see if she finds her match!

Our Bachelorette, Grace, in her finest Valentine cocktail party attire is ready to meet her potential suitors by showing off her come hither arm rolls.  She’s looking for a boy who is willing to share ALL his food with her – that’s right she doesn’t mess around.

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Our first suitor, named Henry, but we shall call him the Bachelor, is looking for a girl who can assist him in taking him to forbidden, exotic locales like the top of the couch.

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Our second suitor, named Thomas, but we shall call him Dr. Love, is looking for a gal who can make his heart skip a beat by sweetly crooning “La-La-La” tunes to him, just like Elmo.

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The first leg of the journey takes them to a private island where they enjoy some snacks and each other’s company.  At this point, it is obvious there is no real front runner.

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They decide to take the show on the road to places where they don’t have to be concerned with falling off the edge and thus prematurely ending their chance at love.  The Bachelor makes waves by staring directly at the camera and not into Grace’s beautiful eyes -showing his disinterest in the Bachelorette.  And Dr. Love follows suit by laughing at something off camera and not at something Gracie has said.

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Grace knew she needed to change things up to regain their attention so she brought them to the Arctic, because who doesn’t love surprise trips and rare sightings of a beagle! However, the proof is in the picture that chemistry is still a lacking.

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Here’s the part in their adventure where things start to get real interesting.  Dr. Love has quotes of LMFAO running through his head, i.e.: “Girl, look at that body”, while the Bachelor is clearly enamored with Grace’s choice of footwear.  Ladies take it from Grace, great shoes and flaunting your bod is the way to man’s heart…………..( really though, no, no it isn’t).

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After realizing what Grace is working with, Dr. Love gets a boost in confidence and decides to throw out his shimmy moves in hopes to win her over.  Grace appears to applaud Dr. Love’s spontaneous dance movements which is a clear sign showing her interest and approval, and the Bachelor appears to be a losing with his lack of choreography and lack of awareness that Grace is even in the room.

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However, not to be outdone by the dancing Doctor, the Bachelor insists on some alone time with the Bachelorette.  It is granted, but the body language experts tell me this one on one is not going exactly according to the Bachelor’s plans.  Furthermore, we don’t have enough scientific knowledge to interpret what the baby Michael Jordan tongue is suppose to imply.

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The Bachelor knows that persistence can work like a charm, but only if you are relentless. As a result he flips the switch on the Bachelorette and has HER pining after HIM and not the other way around.  Hey Grace get a grip, let them come to you!

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Unhappy with what just went down, Dr. Love gets the Bachelor in his sights, stares into the camera to let the viewers know it’s about to go down, and sends him running in the other direction.

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Dr. Love then says to the Bachelor, “Watch and learn.  Now this is how you do alone time. Keep your distance, act like you don’t care, throw down the baby model stance, and see what happens.”  Drooling that is, drooling is what happens when you try and eat with your mouth open Grace.

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Then follow that up with the single white female move.  You just never know if the Bachelorette digs creeps. (This may not be obvious to the naked eye but take a close look behind Grace’s right ear (her actual right ear), and check out that Glenn Close look alike.)

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And apparently she does.  Don’t fret though, there is still ample time left for the Bachelor to make Gracie his Valentine.

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This is turning into one tumultous ride.  Just when you think Gracie only has eyes for Dr. Love she leaves him by the wayside and initiates some alone time of her own with the Bachelor.  How quickly the tides can turn in a one year old’s quest for love.

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The Bachelor now with a confidence boost of his own pulls out all the stops by showing a little of his personality.  Grace can’t believe he had this side to him, and it appears that the Doctor may be in love as well.

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The Bachelor rides the positive vibes he is receiving and insists on continuing to entertain even though others try to impede upon his jovial antics.

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Deciding she needs a breather to reevaluate her feelings, the Bachelorette leaves her suitors to talk things over with her girl Minnie Mouse on the TV.

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The next step in their journey calls for Gracie to really hunker down on her men and find out what their true intentions are.  I’m no poker face reader, but it seems like she is suspicious of all parties involved.

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And suddenly after being on a high from some quality time spent with the Gracie girl, the Bachelor takes a turn for the worse and I’m not sure this is a trait that the Bachelorette is going to be very fond of.

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Incidents may have occurred off camera, but I think there is evidence that points to a certain love Doctor having a hand in the Bachelor’s demise.  The Doc knew the Bachelor’s personality was winning Grace over so he went below the belt and snatched his bowl of Cheerios, which he knew would cut the Bachelor to his core.  And yes making a fellow suitor less attractive in the eyes of your mutual love interest is well within the confines of the contest.

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With all the sideshow tomfoolery Grace is able to find a moment of peace and starts to question if she really needs a mate because all she truly needs are confiscated Cheerios to make her happy.

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Then just when you think she may walk away from it all, another monkey wrench is thrown into this twisted love triangle.  Like her namesake and showing why she was chosen to be THE baby Bachelorette, Grace acts all gracious and kind by offering the Bachelor just what his heart needs.

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After a long day of dating two of the most eligible babies of Aston, PA on the most lovey day of the year the Bachelorette is pooped.  The highs and lows of the dating world have taken a lot out of her.  She doesn’t understand why both of her suitors have failed to compare their love arcs to jumping off the side of a building or repelling down a cliff, because from what she’s gathered from TV that is exactly what falling in love is about.  So is there a point in continuing on with a relationship that is void of hackneyed, invalid metaphors?

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Despite her struggles, decisions need to be made and although she is not yet a woman, she is woman enough to make this one.  She ain’t no baby heartbreaker, but she is about to break one, possibly two.  Will Dr. Love be making house calls or will the Bachelor finally lose his famous moniker that has plagued him his entire life?

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Drum roll please…………………………………………………………………………………………….

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Sending shock waves from Maine to Hawaii, Dr. Love is escaping from his office and certainly ready to make those house calls!  Ultimately it came down to who provided fewer tears, because Grace has no room for drama in her life considering she has that department covered for quite some time.  The Doc wooed her even further by having a private meal of guess what – Cheerios and bananas, and they finally received some uninterrupted time together to see if they could make this relationship last.  They then shared some more one-sided laughter:

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They didn’t let a shift in seating arrangements put a kink in their love affair.  Now if that isn’t true love, I don’t know what is.

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And they continued their PDA, which was a tad excessive if you ask me.

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All the while the dejected the Bachelor ate alone longing for the day when he too will have a partner to share Cheerios with.  He even makes an attempt to grasp his invisible girlfriend, because at this point in his journey he has become delusional.  Don’t they all, don’t they all.

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To add salt to his baby wounds he was dismissed just like all the Bachelor/Bachelorette contenders before him, and was banished to his crib where he was left contemplating the day’s events and where it all went wrong.

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Meanwhile across the room, the new couple’s journey rolls on as they frolic in Dr. Love’s crib.  And the body language experts can all agree that the Doc’s eyes and Gracie’s exuberant smile both hint strongly to a relationship that will surely last for years to come.

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And just like that our journey to find love has ended………………………………………….or has it?

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Remember what you see in an edited program can be deceiving to the viewers eyes, or maybe it is just our Bachelorette who is doing all the deceiving.  Straight out of a page from the Mesnick playbook, Grace has a change of heart!

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And you know what, double dipping is never a good look for a girl.  In the end, her betrayal of Dr. Love’s love was all for naught as her secret relationship with the Bachelor went up in flames almost before it even started.  And any viewer watching could predict this happening from witnessing his memorable meltdown mere hours prior over a Cheerio. Clearly the dude is a tad unstable, and now America is questioning everything that has transpired.

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Valentine’s day symbolizes a day for sharing and spreading love, unfortunately for these three babies love was had, and then lost for everyone involved.  So yes this certainly was THE MOST DRAMATIC episode of the Baby Bachelorette yet, and who knows if the Bachelorette, the Bachelor, and Dr. Love will ever find love again.  I’ll place my bets on that happening when each of them can rid their noses of the several inch deep crust they currently have surrounding them.

***Editor’s note: My intention was to capture one semi-good picture of them all together in their Valentine’s attire.  I didn’t achieve that in the slightest so I decided to keep snapping, and this sick love triangle idea happened.  Yes, I need help.

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